Sunday, August 21, 2011

I might be in trouble

M is the second guy I hooked up with. He's the guy that surprised me with an awesome blowjob, when all was looking for was a handshake.

I been chatting with him since, online through Growlr and through text messages. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm no fan of phone calls. Something in me just shuts down when I'm on the phone. Anyways, our chats have been friendly, funny, and showed true concern about how the other was doing.

We met for lunch on Saturday. Wifey was out of town for the day, so I had some unusual free time. Wifey's started making plans earlier in the week, so I started making plans as well. But her's were soft, and wouldn't be confirmed to the morning of. M was very understanding. I told him I felt bad about asking him to do something with me, without being able to commit myself. He responded with, "I don't mind, just let me know".

So we met for lunch. We knew that neither of our homes would be free, so we planned on meeting at a restaurant. Even though I had plenty of time to get there, I still ended up being a few minutes late. He was already seated. I wandered the place til I found him, and sat down myself.

He was obviously nervous, as was I. We were struggling to make small talk as the waiter got my drink and took our order. But the nervousness faded by the time we were eating. I was telling him things about myself I never imagined revealing. About the real me, my relationship with my wife, how I felt about cheating. He told me about his life too. His family, his recent breakup, his job. Very quickly we became old acquaintences just catching up on what's new in our lives.

He mentioned that he was hoping to go see a movie this weekend, so I asked if he wanted to go together. He asked if I had time, and after a quick check of my phone, I knew that I did. So I texted my wife that I was going to see a movie "alone", the alone was implied. I paid for lunch, and off we went.

We met each other at the restaurant, but I let M decide to take just one car to the restaurant. He had a nice car, and I felt completely comfortable getting into it, being completely at his mercy.

We went to see Fright Night. It was an entertaining movie. I certainly liked watching Colin Farrell, but I remembered him being cuter. M made me pick where we sat, since I had refused to make any other decision that day. I intentionally chose the seats in the back of the theatre, against the wall. You know, just in case we wanted to not be observed.

Being there was strange. A mix between the nervousness and exhilaration of a first date, and the relaxed, comfortableness of an old friend. I sat back, enjoyed the movie, and wondered about what might happen next. I think were about 20 or 30 minutes into the movie before his hand it's way into mine. Our hands explored each others for a while, then his found it's way onto my leg, and my onto his. He rubbed my inner thigh, I reciprocated. He made his way towards my crotch, massaging life into my cock.

We spent the entire movie with a hand on each other. Massaging whatever we could find, with the exception of a short break for me to run the restroom. I gotta say, I loved the attention. I loved every second of it. My wife and I never did anything like that at the movies, despite my attempts to initiate.

Unfortunately, though, the movie ended. We had no choice but to get up and leave. He made a comment as we got back into his car about how badly he wanted to suck my dick. My dick wanted badly to be sucked by him. But we had no plans to do anything else, and no place to go. So we drove back towards the restaurant.

Along the way, he asked if I minded if he stopped to go through a car wash. I said, "go for it", happy for anything to delay the end. He pulled into the car wash, and we used the cover to make out. I enjoyed kissing him, almost as much as I enjoyed him rubbing my crotch. But that too, unfortunately, ended.

A few minutes later, he was dropping me off at my car. I told him how much fun I had had, and repeated that again later in a text message.

So yeah, I think I might be in trouble. I had a lot of fun with M. I think even more so because it didn't end in sex. I have really begun to think of this guy as a friend. I know, there was a teasing of sex, an arousal. But I enjoyed just hanging out with him, the conversation, the openness, the jokes. I've realized that I care for M, and that is dangerous for me. I'm not sure if I can afford to worry about another persons feelings or well being. It's another ball to juggle in this daring tightrope act. But then again, maybe he's what I've been looking for.


  1. I'm so happy that you had a great time with M. Hanging out with a F buddy is what most of us are looking for and gives us what were missing in our relationship with out wives. You may not have sex every time but if you care about him every time you do it will be fantastic.Hopefully, he can remain a great F buddy without changing the relationhip with your wife. hal

  2. I disagree w/ Hal, Jay. I hope he is not just a fuck buddy for you. It sounds like you both really like each other. I hope you can enjoy more of a FWB relationship - it sounds like he could already be sort of a friend for you, and a friend w/ benefits could be exactly what you need. Getting together to fuck just doesn't seem like your style.


  3. You two, hal & hottie, might be getting caught up in semantics. It kind of sounds like your saying the same thing. Whether I call him a F buddy, or a FWB, there's the potential for a longer relationship than just a random hookup.

    And no, hottie, even to my own dismay, getting together just to fuck really isn't my style. Sure is a lot of fun though. (Even though I haven't fucked a guy yet)

  4. Yes Jay, hottie and I are saying the same thing, just expresing it slightly differently. I suppose FWB is a more political correct way of saying F buddy and FWB can be used for both male and female friends. To me a F buddy is a great guy to hang with and do whatever the two of you want to. The danger is of course that he is someone you care for.

  5. Ok, I guess you could say it's the same thing, but I thought that a F Buddy was someone that you just used for sex. FWB is a friend first, that you also enjoy sex with, but you are friends as well, and don't have to have sex every time you see each other. With an FB, you are getting together for sex. That was my understnding of the definitions. I guess it doesn't matter, though. I think you might have a FWB here. I hope you do!


  6. FB, FWB...fuck labels. they just put you in a box. usually, someone else's box. shepherd ur emotions buddy, and pay attention to your feelings. what do YOU want from this guy? what do you think he wants from you?
    this ain't over the rainbow. and no one gets everything they want in this life. take it one day at a time. be as honest with one another as you possibly can. TALK to one another about your expectations. you won't be the first "newbie" bi-married man to "crush" on the first nice guy you get it on with. but you can control how it's going to end. and it will end. you know that, don't you? the wizard ain't gonna wave his wand and allow you to live happily ever after w/ a wife and a husband. sorry for the dose of reality. there are, of course, exceptions but they're very, very rare indeed. live, love but keep your head screwed on tight...the larger one.

  7. Now this is what I like to see, great conversation. I'm not up to date on the definitions of the different terms, but I think that rugby is right about labels. FB or FWB? It doesn't matter. The point is that I hope that M turns out to be something more than just someone to get off with.

    I know that I am naive, and most of the time I'm an idiot. But I am not stupid. Of course this can't last forever. I am not even thinking about next month. For one thing, this guy deserves way more than anything I could ever offer, and he will find it. All I can hope for is that we remain friends when that happens.

    And yes, I'm not the first newbie to "crush" on a nice guy. That's kinda of the point of my post. I am not wise enough to really know how I really feel, or how he really feels. All I know is that trying to find out is dangerous, for me.

  8. fear can be a good thing. you know i'm just tryin to help you avoid as many pitfalls as possible on your journey. i sure don't have all the answers. i don't walk in your shoes. you seem to have a good heart. i just don't want it to be bruised too much. it will be bruised. count on it.

    hopefully, hearing from those of us who have already travelled this road, can help a little. but take everything we say w/ a huge grain of salt. i'm just a bro giving you a gentle "thwack" upside the head so you hopefully don't make the mistakes i made.