Tuesday, February 24, 2015

So Long, Farewell...

I've actually been thinking, for a while now, that it's time to officially close my blog.  I love the community, I loved sharing my experiences along the way, and I love the friendships that have come out of it.  But, I haven't updated it since last July.  And the reality is that I probably won't.  Partially because I simply do not set aside enough time to do so.  And, partially because I run out of things to say.

Now that Blogger is changing their policies, I know longer have to stress over it.  They will close my blog for me, effective March 23rd.  It won't go away, I won't take it down.  It is a part of me, my journal for the last few years, and I'll keep it as long as possible.  (And back it up for beyond the possible)  But I'm not going to take the time to remove all the lovely photos, and I'm not going to take the time to move my blog to another provider.

If you really want to keep access to my blog, send me your email and I will invite you.  If you want to keep in touch, send me your email and I'll write you.  My email will, of course, stay active.

So long farewell, auf weidersehen good-bye
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight
So long farewell, auf weidersehen adieu
Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you
So long farewell, au revior auf weidersehen
I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne
So long farewell, auf weidersehen goodnight
I leave and heave a sigh and say good bye
I'm glad... to go.... I cannot tell a lie
I fleet, I float, I fleetly flee I fly...
Thank you, all of you, and you know who you are, for the companionship along the way.

Thanks,
Jay

Sunday, August 17, 2014

I've been in a weird funk all weekend.  I think it might have started with a dream I had on Friday night.  I don't remember all of the dream, but a couple of points really stand out.  I was riding in a car, an black SUV, with about 4 guys.  I was in the back seat sitting behind the driver.  I think, maybe, the driver was a guy that I work with.  He's older than me, but he's what I would call the typical chauvinistic male.  He has no problem make dick jokes, even go as far as make jokes about guys blowing one another to get what they want.  I've even seen him make other guys in the room blush. So, he's driving.  And there's a younger guy in the front passenger seat.  I knew him in the dream, but now that I am awake I have no idea who he was.

There's another guy sitting in the back with me.  He's one hell of a dreamy, sexy specimen.  He's in his twenties.  I think at the start of the dream, he was fully clothed.  But at some point he lost his shirt.  He had short hair, immaculately styled.  He was muscular, but not overdone.  He was smooth, on his face and on his chest. He had dark hair, blue eyes, perfect lips.

Anyways.  I'm not looking much at the guy next to me.  I don't know if it was because I didn't want to be too obvious, or if I was distracted by something else.  The front seat passenger kept making jokes, and bouncing around in his seat.  At one point, I look in his direction, and I can't understand what I'm looking at.  The driver, the coworker, starts laughing and makes a gesture like he's about to grab the passenger's crotch.  I still don't understand what I'm seeing, but I hear the driver say something like, "If a woman sitting next to me did that, I "accidentally" slip my hand right here.  I'm mean, she'd almost be asking for it."  Again, I notice that the driver makes a motion like he's grabbing the passenger's crotch, but I can't see the passenger's crotch.  I sit up straight, and try to see more of what's going on.  I see what look's like a huge lump between the guy's legs.  But it's not a lump that I can identify.  I lean forward a little more, and I realize that the guy is in his seat upside down!  What I thought was his crotch was his shoulders, and the lump was his neck.  He head was so far back, that it disappeared from my view.

It made sense, but then it didn't.  Why had this guy turned himself upside down?  His legs were bent in a way that they were entirely hidden by the seatback.  I leaned in further, and he pushed his hips into the air.  That's when I realized that he'd lost his pants, and his cock was rock hard and pointing downwards toward his head.  I blushed slightly, and sat back in my seat.  I didn't want to be obvious, but this guy's cock had caused an immediate reaction in my own cock.

I tried my damnedest to not look "too" interested.  The driver is still make jokes and laughing.  I could have sworn that the driver grabbed the passenger's cock, but that may have just been my overactive imagination. I relaxed into my seat, and noticed that the guy sitting next to me was looking at me.  I looked in his direction, and saw nothing but desire in his face.  I didn't want to believe, and I felt like all of this could be a trap.  But he inched his way a little closer to me.  I saw hesitation in his face as well, like maybe he wasn't sure that I was going to respond the way he hoped.

He had to be one of the most sexy, handsome, young men I'd ever laid my eyes on.  He inched a little closer, and put his hand on my thigh.  I was nervous, and I didn't want to get caught.  But lust took over, and my face surely told him that I wanted him badly.  He leaned over, opened his mouth slightly, and our tongues met before our lips.  My body exploded.  This is where I realized that he's shirtless, and I put my hand on his chest.  I can feel the clearly defined pecs, I find and slightly pinch his nipples, I rub my hand up to his shoulders.  All the while, our tongues are having a bit of foreplay on their own.

Then I start to get worried that the guys in the front seat are going to look back and see us.  So, I push him back away from me, but slowly.  I imagined that his hand was on my crotch, confirming my attraction.  I also imagined that he had my cock bare in his hands.  But I pushed him off.  I was thinking that I didn't really care if I got caught.  A guy as sexy as this, surely anyone would forgive me.  But, still, I pushed him off.

The dream shifted then, and it never got back to that scene.  After I woke up, I could still taste him on my tongue, feel his chest in my hand.  I couldn't remember exactly what he looked like, but the parts of the dream that mattered are still extremely real and vivid in my mind.  Even now, two days later.  All day Saturday, I would constantly allow myself to daydream and replay out the scene in my mind.

I think the dream was partially to blame for the funk that I find myself in now.

Monday, July 14, 2014

The Hot Tubs

It would be more than a month before Slut Phase Victim #5 came into the picture.  In that time, I've hooked up with Victim #3 a couple of times.  I didn't give him a name in my last post, let's call him Nate.  My first time with Nate was the all-nighter in a hotel room on an out-of-town trip.  My second time was a blow job in my office late at night the following week.  Then we decided to get together at a local hot tub place in a city near us.  We made plans to both leave early for work one afternoon and meet up at this place, which would give us a good hour, hour and a half of fun.

The particular establishment was one of the more skeevy places that I've been too.  I didn't expect a whole lot, and it doesn't look like a whole lot from the outside.  When I first saw it, months ago, I assumed that prostitutes were hanging out in the parking lot out front.  When Nate and I were first making plans, he mentioned another place in another town that seemed much more upscale.  Ultimately, we decided against the "nicer" place because it required a reservation, and my schedule was too tenuous.  So, we opted for the less "reputable" place.

It actually wasn't that bad.  It was just old and run down.  I'm sure there are all kinds of dealings that go on there that I don't want to know about, but Nate and I didn't get a sense that any of that stuff was happening. At least, not while we were there.  The hot tub itself was nice, hot, and seemed clean.  The room also came with a bed, a sauna, and a shower.  We learned quickly that it gets way too hot in those rooms, to the point that we were both feeling a bit lightheaded.  But we enjoyed the tub, making small talk for a bit then getting into some kissing and cuddling.

It wasn't long before I had his cock in my mouth.  The heat was definitely getting to him, because he couldn't get completely hard.  But I didn't let that deter me any bit.  I sucked on his semi-hard cock for what seemed like 15 or 20 minutes.  (It was probably only 5)  Then I pulled myself out of the tub and presented my cock to be sucked by him.  I enjoyed his mouth and tongue for a few minutes, then I left the tub area and pulled him over to the bed.  We laid down, locked tongues, and began to grind our groins into each other.  I knew from our first encounter that he loves to slide his cock in between my ass cheeks, so after a few minutes I turned over onto my stomach.  He took the hint and laid down on top of me.  I enjoyed having the weight on me.  I also enjoyed the feeling of his cock sliding across my hole.  At one point, I was sure that there was penetration, but I figured out quickly that it was just additional pressure against my sphincter.  I pushed back against it, and he was getting intense with his grinding.

We kept that up for a few minutes until I he began to whimper, then eventually yell out as I felt his cum all over my backside.  I reached back and scooped up what I could, and used it as lube as I began to stroke my now throbbing cock.  He watched, I think he may have even sucked on one of my balls.  I was cumming within a few minutes, and as soon as I did his mouth was on my cock sucking it all up.

Then we both collapsed.

After a nap, which felt like hours but I know was only a few minutes, we managed to collect ourselves and start the clean up process.  We both took showers, dried off as best we could in the damp hot room, and got dressed.  Once we felt like we were put together well enough, we exited.  I said my goodbyes in the parking lot.  All in all, I'd say it was a good experience, despite the seediness of the establishment.  We actually met up there one other time since, which I will tell you about later.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

3rd Anniversary

It's somewhat fitting, I just passed 200K pageviews, and last month was the 3rd anniversary of my blog. I don't know if 200K is a lot in the grand scheme of things. But, a whole hell of a lot has changed since my very first post. With each post, each comment, and each visitor I've learned a little bit more about myself. I've gotten a little bit more confident with myself. I believe guys now, when they tell me that I'm handsome, or that I'm hot. On a hookup with someone new, my heart manages to remain in my chest instead of trying to escape through my throat. I can actually take the lead in a new encounter, instead of sheepishly waiting for instructions. I've learned that I'm very oral. I simply love to suck cock, and to have my cock sucked. I've learned that I am very good at compartmentalizing the different aspects of my life. I know longer worry about slipping up and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I've learned that it is not always so simple to determine whether you are a top, or a bottom. Honestly, I can't decide if I liked either. I've bottomed, I can't say that it was a pleasurable experience. There must have been something about it though, because I couldn't stop thinking about it and I couldn't resist getting him to do it again. I even worried for a bit, like AMtop did, that perhaps I'm a bit more of a bottom than a top.  Today, I couldn't honestly tell you why I worried.  I guess the image of me as a bottom didn't fit my preconceived notions of who I was.  I really couldn't get it out of my head, and I started thinking about how much I like to

look at cocks, but I've never liked looking at asses.  I started thinking about how I might really like the idea of cocks, and cocks penetrating me, more than the idea of me penetrating someone else.  But in the end, I decided that it didn't matter.  I set out to try it all.  If I enjoy bottoming, so be it, that's something new I didn't know about myself.  I've topped, obviously sliding my dick into a warm, wet, tight hole feels good. But better than a mouth? I'm not sure. I suspect that the guys who shared these experiences with me have something to do with it. Perhaps if I were with a more experienced top, or if his cock was a better fit for my ass, I would have enjoyed that experience more. Perhaps, if I weren't bent over my desk in my office at 10 o'clock at night.

I know, everyone knows, that I enjoyed the first time I topped. It's the only one of my experiences with fucking that I have written about so far. Saying that I topped isn't even very descriptive of what actually happened. I was not in control, I was on my back, and before I knew if the guy was sliding my raw cock into his ass. I came within a few strokes, though I struggled to not cum and ended up ruining my orgasm. The second time I actually successfully penetrated another guys ass (not the second time I tried), I guess I was nervous. I was more focused on why my cock would stay hard that I was on enjoying the sensation.

Aside from the parts of my life that I've described in detail here, the rest of my life has changed dramatically as well.  I would say that it was all for the better.  I'm living in a new city, I have a new job, and new addition to my family.  Some of the drama that was in my life when this all began has ended, replaced by new drama. Although, on the whole, my life is pretty drama free.

There is a good chance, a very strong chance, that I will regret all of this one day.  As I've always said, I'm not proud of the choices I've made, but I do feel that they were the best choices for me.  I don't know what the future holds.  Will I continue down this road I'm on?  Will I decide that I don't need these kind of hooks up anymore?  Will I figure out a way to live my life more in the open?  Will I screw the whole thing up?  Who knows?

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Slut Phase Victim #4: Tall Sexy Guy

This happened a few months ago. That's how far behind I am in updating all of you on the exploits of my slut phase. If it's any consolation, I've though an awful lot about writing this, and many other, posts. For some reason, I've been struggling with a lack of motivation. I really don't understand, because for once I have a lot to write about, and I love sharing with all of you.

Anyways, as I've mentioned in previous posts this year, I have slipped deep into a slut phase. My recent anon-blowjob in a park is plenty of evidence of the debauchery that I've allowed into my life. I wanted to tell you about Slut Phase Victim #4, Darren. What I loved most about Darren is his height. He's the first man I've gotten close to, who is actually taller than I am. What a kick it was to walk up close to a man, start kissing him on the lips, with actually tilting my head upwards instead of the usual downward angle I am forced to take. Our chests met, our pelvis met, I could put my hands on his ass without hunching over. And, when his cock started to stir, it was pressed up against my own cock. What a thrill!

I'd found him on Growlr a couple of week earlier, and I laughed when I read his height and the note just below it, which read, "No, my height is not a typo". I laughed, because invariable one of the first questions I get on these type of social apps is, "Are you really [that tall]?".

I did mention that I was tall, right? No, I won't say exactly how tall, that's part of my anonymity.

Anyways, I sent him a message, with some joke in reference to his height. Something lame like the jokes I used to get all the time, "How's the weather up there". He laughed, assumedly after he realized the irony of me asking. We chatted for a second, and went on with our lives. Over the next couple of weeks, we chatted once or twice more. You know, the usual chats like, "When are you gonna come over and suck my cock?".

Anyways, I was at a meeting that was keeping out of the house till late at night. I wasn't particularly enjoying this meeting. When I noticed that Darren was online, I started messaging him to pass the time. I learned that he was available at that very moment. My meeting was in another town, but the opportunity was too good to pass up. I could slip out of the meeting, drive the 30 or so minutes to his house which was sort of, kind of on my way home, and still make it home afterwards at a semi-excusable time. So I set it up on was shortly on my way.

He lived in condo building, so I messaged him when I was on the street and he met me outside. At first, it was almost intimidating, his height. I followed him up a flight of stairs, into an elevator and up a couple of floors. I made some small talk about the building itself. It didn't exist when I lived in this particular town. Another tenant joined us in the elevator for the first two floors.  I was painfully aware that I was there for a hookup, and had no idea what to talk about that wouldn't make it obvious to this innocent bystander. Eventually, we got to his apartment, it was the usual spartan but well decorated place. I was jealous.

Then the kiss. God damn, how I loved that kiss. He was scruffy, tall, dark skinned, better built, and the perfect height. Kissing was... easy, and hot! My hands explored all of him, and I marveled how easily I could grab and squeeze his ass. His cock protruded, and seemed to wrap itself around my cock. I know what wasn't possible, even though he was wearing loose fitting basketball shorts. I was wearing jeans, which kept me pretty contained. But I knew almost instantly his size was larger than mine, impressively larger.

He slowly lead me over to his couch. Before pushing me down onto it, he managed to get my belt off and my pants down around my ankles. I whimpered slightly when he took my rock hard cock into his mouth. He was amazing, warm, wet, just the right amount of pressure, just the right amount of tongue. He was an expert.

I enjoyed his blowjob for what seemed like hours. Eventually, my own hunger took over and I pushed him off me. He stood before me, I lowered his shorts and let loose a monster of a cock. I can't describe enough how much I love the feel of a rock hard cock. They way it's both soft and silky, solid and throbbing at the same time. I licked the head, licked the underside softly. He was sweet, and clean, and burning hot! I enveloped the head of his cock and slowly slid it deeper and deeper into my mouth. It hit the back of my mouth before I was even half way down. I slid up and down on it a couple of times, enjoying it's heat and it's pulse. I tried to push it further, take it into my throat. I gagged. I concentrated on just the top half again. Every few minutes I would try to take it deeper, and each time I would gag. I put his hand on the back of my head and motioned for him to face fuck me. He pushed deeper and deeper with each throat. I continued to gag, but I willed myself to take it deeper and deeper.

It wasn't long before I couldn't take it anymore. I was gagging almost to the point of vomiting and I had to pull off of him. I kept going on the tip, until he pushed me off and back so that I was once again laying down his couch. He was back on his knees between my legs with my own cock engulfed in his mouth. He messaged my balls with his hand, as his tongue massaged the shaft of my cock. It was bliss, and I let it go on for an eternity. Or, it seemed like an eternity, I lost my sense of time. When my orgasm started, probably only a few moments had passed. I let him know I was about to cum not by telling him, but by tightening my grip on his head and pulling him tighter into my crotch. I knew that if he wanted to, he could overpower me and escape. He didn't, he rode my orgasm with me and, when it came, sucked every bit of cum out of me.

We both new that I was in no position to reciprocate. It took several minutes before I could form full sentences again. He seemed to, honestly, enjoy my orgasm as much as I did, if that's possible. He was sated.

So, where did I find the motivation tonight to write this post. I've just set a return date with this guy. With any luck, I'll get to experience his mouth, and his burning cock, in the next couple of days. You have no idea how excited I am!

I've been busy. If you count the guy in the park, I'm up to 10 "willing" victims of my slut phase. All I can say is, I hope this never ends.