Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Commitment? Seriously? I don't think so...

I had an interesting chat with a guy on Scruff yesterday morning.  He was a nice guy, older than I am by about 10 years.  His profile pic had him in a cowboy hat, and said that he works out at a gym regularly, so that's a plus.  But he's also a good foot shorter than me.  Not that I expect to meet guys my height, but I don't want to be able to use them for an arm rest either.

Anyways, that's all besides the point.  We're chatting for a bit, and Cowboy invites me out to a dinner and a movie.  I realize that I've screwed up, and my profile on Scruff doesn't explain that I am married, and when I do hookup, it's gotta be discreet.  I apologize to the guy, and explain my situation.  I tell him that I am "dl".  He responds by saying that he is too.  Which is weird, because I think he just invited me out on a date.  He says that friends can go out for dinner and a movie too.  That may be true, but that certainly wouldn't work for me.  It would be way too hard to explain to my wife how I met this new friend, and now we're going to dinner together.  I think she might have some questions.

We keep chatting.  Cowboy tells me that I am a nice guy and it would be great to have me as a friend.  I don't know how he's able to come to that conclusion yet, since we've just met and just started this conversation.  But I go with it.  We ask each other all the standard questions about what we're into, and what we like.  You know, in case we do hookup for sex, it's important to know these things.  He's got a nice sized cock, likes all the right things.  He's a total top, which would be a problem since I don't really plan on being a bottom.  But it's early, and I am enjoying the conversation, so I figure I will deal with that later.  

Than he says something odd.  He says how good it would be if, when we need a man's touch, we would only meet each other, no other man.  Suddenly I feel like I did when one of my girlfriends in High School started talking about marriage, panicked.  Did this guy seriously just suggest a serious committed relationship?  To me?  An already married guy just happened to respond to his text?  Cowboy didn't know me from the stranger next to him, wherever he was, how could he be talking about this?

Anyways, I'm confused.  Maybe I misunderstood.  So I say that, I tell him I didn't follow.  He goes on to explain that I might be looking for sex with random guys.  If we feel like the time is right, than he'd like us to be there for each others need, and not anyone else.

I know I am not a typical guy, and this blog proves it.  But I had a typical "guy" response to even the suggestion of a commitment, RUN!  Lol.  Seriously though, I wasn't rude.  I told Cowboy that I thought he was jumping ahead a little bit.  He said it's important for us to know what the other wants.  And I applaud his boldness, really.  But I can't have a conversation about a possible relationship with someone I haven't even met. 

I've chatted up a few guys online.  I've felt comfortable enough to meet a couple in person.  Fortunately for me, those two that I met I felt comfortable enough to let something more than talk happen.  But, talk about relationship stuff? No. We didn't even talk about the next time.

I do consider myself a nice guy.  And I am glad that seems apparent to guys I chat with online.  Hopefully this guy was honest with me, because I really don't see how he could determine I was a nice guy and a good friend based on our limited conversation.  Maybe it was just because I chatted at all.  I know there are a lot of guys out there who won't even respond, and that's certainly not me.

FYI, I did ask.  Cowboy isn't married, he's just discreet.  He's not bi, he was in a committed relationship for many years with another man.  He's not even in the closet.  Next time we chat, if there is a next time, I think I might explain what "dl" really means.


  1. I'd run. This dude is looking to replace his old partner.

  2. Tru dat/ditto to Anonymous' comment! So many other "fishes in the sea". Don't waste any more time with this one.

  3. The same thing has happened to me - several times. Some guys want to lock a good dick down, sometimes before they even see it. I can understand his desire for a safe FB/FWB, but it's WAY to early for him to suggest that. I've had my fair share of crazies and suggest you go with your gut here and move along to the next guy.

  4. It kind of sounds like he's just really lonely. Trust me, there's no shortage of lonely men in the gay circuit, and although some of us would never admit it, that's apart of the reason gay men are known for being somewhat promiscuous. Being gay can be very lonely at times. It sort of comes with the territory. But I definitely agree that this guy jumped the gun a little too soon. Seems a little strange, but I just wanted to throw that out there.

  5. I just started following your blog. So far so good. I agree that you should run in the other direction if not already, but understand that he is looking for a safe outlet from a married man.

    I disagree with The Vulture that a lot of men are promiscuous because they are's easier to have sex with someone who has your same thought process. a lot of straight men & women are lonely too, and some are married.

    Move on and find someone else.

  6. I disagree with the guys on here. I am 'looking for a relationship' and I too think it would be nice to have a regular guy to fuck around with. I am divorced [and not due to any gay relationship], with kids, and definitely DL. I don't think you have to, or should RUN. You should do what you did. Explain that you are still playing around, and aren't ready for that kind of relationship.
    In time, you might get to the point where you want the comfort of a steady guy who you know, and trust, to be there without the 'hunt'.

    But, that is just me. Maybe you do really just want to go from one guy to the next forever. But be civil about it [as I think you have] and treat them all as the humans that they are.

    BTW, I do like your blog, and will continue to be a reader.