Monday, July 4, 2011

Can't get it at home

My wife knows that I have an attraction to men.  It's definitely more than just a curiosity, which is how I've described it in the past.  She's okay with it.  We joke around.  She'll point out hot guys on the street.  We have a lot of the same tastes.  We've watched gay porn together, and taken a small step in fantasy play that included dildos.

She's okay with it, but not completely secure with it.  I think she tries to provide the experiences that I am missing out on.  But it just doesn't work.  She's my woman, and I love sex with her, making love with her, fucking her..  But she's not a man, she doesn't have a dick, or ripped abs, or thick arms.  And a piece of plastic that's shaped like a cock just doesn't satisfy that craving.

We've talked about having a threesome.  Usually comes up in the middle of sex.  She likes to talk dirty, and she'll start talking about having another guy take her from behind while she's riding me.  There's not much that's hotter than that, that get's me harder.  I don't tell her, because I don't have the balls, that if another guy were in bed with us, he would not be taking her.  lol

I want it badly, I need it.  But I don't know if I want my wife there.  I must be stupid.  Because that would be the best of both worlds.  I'd get man on man sex, and wouldn't have to cheat on my wife to do it.  So why would I rather get something on the side? On the DL?


  1. Hey Jay,
    Sometimes the fantasy is so much better than the reality. I'm not sure I could have done a three way with my wife. I would have been all over the guys dick and I'm not sure I would want to admit how much I loved cock in a demonstration. Really enjoying your blog.


  2. Jay,

    Sigh. Talk about the (complicated) lives we lead. So well written. So well expressed. Yesterday, I wrote a post about infidelity and our narrow definitions on love, sex and relations. In the end, a reader remarked, "We need to find a way to evolve our thinking on the meaning of marriage, love, sex and relationships." Personally, I think the reader got EXACTLY what I was getting it. I would love to hear your thoughts on the issue.

  3. Hey Jay,
    Just found your blog from str8jock. I am in the same boat your are but I am slightly ahead because I have hooked up with guys. I am still very nervous when I first meet them but after a few minutes that is all gone.
    I am also from the same Irish-German Catholic descent so yes it is a hard life to get thru as a bi male. If it wasnt for the internet, I would be no where near the stage I am now. Anyway, cant wait to hear more from you. What part of the country are you from?

  4. Welcome to blogland. This one is too easy. Well nothing about sex is easy and relationships are harder still. But my guess is while you want a man to probe your nether regions, nothing about what you describe indicates you want to share your wife with another man. Nothing you mention she said indicates she want's more than to please your needs. You satisfy her but you also instinctively understand the risk in entering stage left another man who might also please her in ways you can't. Welcome to the cave young man. Welcome to the cave.

    Were I your wife and willing to allow you to explore these diversions, I would expect you to take a lover whom she has met but does not bed. Were I you I would take my lover and respect my wife by treating both of you with an amount of respect due two people willing to share you.

    The French know how to do this. The rest don't. It is a lot of work to keep your end of the bargain for your two lovers. Discretion does not come naturally to the adventurous. But discretion is essential for all concerned when wives and lovers are connected.

    Good Luck. It never works out perfectly. You need a perfect wife and a perfect lover and that is a tall order to fill. The fact that your wife will even explore this in conversation with you is extraordinary. She's a keeper. Don't abuse the privilege.

  5. Miracleman,
    I think you hit the nail on the head. If I tried something with my wife, then she might see how "into" it I really am. And since I really don't know that myself, seems too risky.

    Thirty3 Naked Laydies,
    The problem with defining love, sex and relationships is that your partner ultimately has to agree. Otherwise, you either won't provide the security the other wants, or worse, violating their trust.
    I haven't read your post yet, because your site is blocked at my work. I will check it out. Just wanted to say this piece while it was on my mind.

    I hear you on the internet, although I was saved from the Catholic upbringing. My parents were very progressive. I am in California.

    I just can't say enough how much everyone's feedback is affecting me. Thanks to all of you.


  6. Anonymous @ 6:24pm,
    Very well said. And you are right, I didn't talk about my willingness to share my wife with another man. Truth is, I think I would actually be okay with that. I have no doubts that she loves me. If I felt that having another man in our bed would fulfill her needs, I would be all for it. I am not sure if the conversation we've had so far has been about her needs, or mine.
    Openness with my wife would be the better option. And since I have not strayed yet, that is still an option. There is an underlying insecurity there, with my wife, that I can't quite figure out. And I just don't know what would happen if I went down that road, especially since I really don't know how I will react to it all.
    My willingness to have my own experience with a man, and hide it from my wife, is new. Maybe because it just seemed easier. Maybe I am letting my little brain think for my big brain. Well, almost certainly that. But who knows how all of this will turn out. I know I don't.

  7. Don't do it. It's not consistent with what you pledged to your wife when you married her. Five minutes of pleasure (maybe) are not worth the cost, as they may spawn years of regret.

  8. Aww Will, that was a buzz kill.

    You are, of course, right. But we are talking about much more than 5 minutes of pleasure (And I'm not braggin). We're talking about a lifetime of repression and denial. If I do nothing, it will most certainly spawn years of regret.

    I am trying to navigate through this and cause the least amount damage possible. Ignoring this will not work, and will ultimately end up much worse. I have to find a better way.