My skills need work

I left off on my last post by describing a mind blowing blow job during my last hookup.  What I didn't write about was the blow job I gave in return.  After I came, I exploded, and the guy drained me completed dry and clean me up with his mouth, I needed a little time to recover.  But it wasn't long before I was pulling his pants down to get at his cock.  I was still sitting on the couch, he was standing in front of me, and I went to work.  He had a nice cock, it was cut, not as long as my first, but was hard and straight.  I licked, bobbed, swallowed.  I am finding that I really love cock sucking.

So I am doing my damnedest to make this guy as good as I felt.  I really wanted to make him come.  I'd let him fuck my face, but we had problems getting into a rhythm, so I would end up bobbing my head back and forth so more.  I would gag a little when he got too deep, but I tried to not let it stop me.

Eventually, he stopped me.  I thought he was enjoying it.  He was moaning and grunting at all the right moments. But he pulled his cock out of my mouth, pushed me back onto the couch, and started kissing me some more.  Then he got up and pulled up his pants.  I knew I had run out of time, so I didn't protest.  I just said that someday I needed to finish the job.

Clearly, I have a lot to learn to become a truly great cocksucker.  I've only done it twice, so I am not trying to be hard on myself.  But both times, with both guys, I wasn't able to make them cum.  The first guy finished himself off.  Admittedly, after I had cum I had no energy or motivation to dive back in.  But I did with the second guy and he had to pull me off.

To the faithful few who read this, whom I love, tell me what you like.  Tell me what makes you cum when you're getting head.  If I had a few thousand followers, I am sure I could become an expert in a matter of days.  I know that those of you who will comment won't steer me wrong.  I am determined to become an expert, no matter how much I need to practice, no matter what I have to do.

The best blowjob of my life, so far

We're sitting there, on his couch, just chattin'.  I was feeling pretty comfortable.  Not at all like I felt during my first hookup.  I was nervous, sure.  I am always nervous around new people.  That's part of what has kept me so innocent for all of these years.  But my heart wasn't about to burst out of my chest, my breathing was normal, and I wasn't shaking.  Well, my legs were shaking a little.

We're sitting pretty far apart.  I am sitting on the edge of the couch.  He moved to sit a little closer.  Actually he moved to sit right next to me.  And he leaned back into the couch.  So I leaned back too.  We were just sitting there, side by side, making small talk.  He'd already complemented me twice.  "You're so cute", he said.  I would blush, and look away.  He reached out and picked up my hand, and made a comment about how big it was.  I laughed, made some joke, "Yeah, I'm pretty big, almost everywhere."  He laughed, but asked what I meant.  I talked about how guys I chat with, once they know how tall I am, immediately ask my dick size.  I am not ashamed, but doesn't mean it's proportional.

I never saw it coming

No, really, I didn't.  

So I had been chatting with this guy for a while.  Actually, I've mentioned him before.  He's the guy that I almost had my first hookup with.  He'd been asking me to come over, but I was too shy.  Then, when I finally got the balls, he said no.  I was beyond frustrated, but what was I to do?

The guy was partnered, and offered a 3some.  I think that was part of the reason why I decided to go for it.  The idea of my first time being with two guys was just too much to pass up.  I mean, damn, what a story to tell, right?  But the real reason, I think, was that I felt a little more comfortable knowing that all attention didn't necessarily have to be on me.  All the pressure to get things started didn't have to be on me.  Hell, I probably could have just sat back and watched until the excitement took over.  But it didn't happen, so it's not worth any further discussion.

Not Str8

This isn't merely a curiosity for me, my exploration into man on man sex.  I've known for most of my life that I've been attracted to men.  I'm attracted to women as well.  I met my wife very shortly after high school, and fell in love, got married.

My attraction to men caused me to doubt myself, my sexuality, for many years.  It made me force the woman I love to wait 7 years before finally getting married.  There were times, during my early teens, late teens, early twenties, when I was convinced that I was gay.  Reality is that I am who I am, regardless of the label I choose, or you choose, to put on me.  Intellectually, I've always known that.  But otherwise, it took some time to come to terms.

Aftermath: My First Time, Part IV

I was just sitting there, on my knees, on his bed, naked.  "What the hell do I do now?"  In my past sexual experiences, after sex usually means sleep, cuddling, small talk, etc.  But I was on my lunch hour, I'd been here for 40 minutes, it took my 25 minutes to get here, and will take at least that to get back.  I had to go!

I was still high, grinning ear to ear.  He was up and cleaning himself.  But how do I thank him for a good time, and run?  I know this was an anonymous hookup.  Getting out of there could be as awkward and frightening as walking in.

I got off the bed and started to get dressed.  He followed suit.  I was hot, it felt a good 10 to 20 degrees warmer in his bedroom than when I walked in, and I was sweaty.  I knew I had 25 minutes, though, in an air-conditioned car to cool off.

My First Time, part 3

I went to down on his cock, again.  I was anxious to see him cum, so I went straight for the deep throat suck.  He groaned.  I gagged, back off, and dove in again.  Pushing further than I had before, repeatedly having to stop to catch my breath.  He was flat on his back, and I was lying beside him, leaned over.  The angle was a little better than before, but I still couldn't get his cock to slide any further down my throat.  I started to tear up from the multiple gag reflexes, and it was starting to get hot in his bedroom.

Periodically, I would switch to jacking him off, keeping the tip in my mouth.  I wanted so badly to make him cum.  I dive in deep again.  He even bucked his hips at one point.  I encouraged him to keep doing that, so he began to fuck my mouth, bucking his hips up and putting his hands on the back of my head.  I kept it going for as long as I could, but I eventually needed a break.  I pulled off, and laid back down beside him.  He tuned on his side, and explored my body some more with his hands.  After a second of catching my breath, I asked him to suck me off some more.  He gladly complied.

My First Time, cont'd

I continued to suck for what seemed like an hour, but was actually only a few minutes.  I licked his balls.  They were hairy, but that didn't bother me.  I licked up and down the shaft, around the rim of the head, across the tip. I was loving every second of it.

I had to consciously be mindful of my teeth.  This guy's cock head was big and bulbous, so much so that I had to open up real wide.  But he only moaned, seemed to only enjoy it.  I tried to deep throat him.  I push down as far as I could.  His cock had a distinct upwards curve, so his head would push up against the roof of my mouth.  I had this picture in my mind of having his cock slide down my throat.  I had know way of knowing if I could handle that, I've never tested myself before.  But his cock pointed up, so there was no way of it sliding downwards.  I pushed my limits, to see how deep I could take him.  I felt a gag reflex, backed off, caught my breath and tried again.  If anything, I was a determined cocksucker!

Then I gripped his cock tightly, using my fist as an extension of my mouth, and bobbed my head up and down as quickly as I could stand it.  I just couldn't get enough.  I was trying to listen to changes in his moans or breathing to see what was working and what wasn't.  Best I could tell, he liked it when I tried to deep throat him.

My First Time

Where do I begin? Yeah, I was scared. Petrified even, well almost petrified. I really don't know yet how to describe it. It was both everything I dreamed, and nothing I could imagine at the same time.

I mentioned in a previous post that I had ben chatting up a guy on grindr. He'd basically given me an open invitation for any morning I wanted to come over. Twice I tried to call, and twice I'd chickened out.

I received a text from the guy this morning. He was asking when I was gonna come over, obviously oblivious to my prior attempts. I asked when he was available, and he responded with, "now :)". I was already at work, so "now" wasn't going to work for me. But I didn't want to chicken out again, I knew I had to make this happen sooner rather than later. "Just Do It", was the common advice I was getting.

I Fucking Did It!!

You don't need a parachute to skydive

You only need a parachute to skydive, twice.

It's obnoxious how hard it is for me to make a move. I've always been a shy person, basically incapable to starting conversations with strangers, making phone calls, you name it. I don't have any problems online, for the obvious reasons. But when it comes down to actually putting myself out there, I freeze. I've taken everyone's advice to heart. I think I know what it is I am getting in to. I actually feel comfortable with a couple of guys with whom I've been chatting with online. I certainly don't hear any warning bells or alarms going off. So, why can't I make this happen?

My type of guy

Lately I've read, and heard, a lot about a new type of straight guy.  A new generation, or a new evolution of heterosexual males.  These are masculine men, guys who work hard, and play harder.  And these guys have absolutely no qualms about homosexuality.  They would be flattered if another guy hit on them, they get off on getting looks from other guys as much as women.  Wouldn't think twice about being naked in the gym locker room, skinny dipping,  They would have just as much fun dancing at a gay club than at a straight club.

If you took that one step further, and showed my one of these guys that wouldn't say no to a blowjob from another guy, and would return the favor, you'd have the ideal man.  A man that is secure, confident, open minded.  There's no bigger turn off than a bigotry or narrow mindedness.

Add to that a guy who is physically fit and healthy, than he'd be damn near perfect.  A guy that can get literally any girl, and guy he wanted.  He'd have me drooling.

I'd count myself as one of this type.  I've got almost all the characteristics.  I obviously don't have anything against homosexuality.  Any attention, from a man or a woman, builds my ego.  I try to take care of myself, visit the gym regularly, eat right, and so on.  But the reality is that I am not a opportunistic straight guy, or even an enlightened straight guy.  I am not a huge fan of labels, but if I had to choose, it would be "Bi".  I crave sex with both women and men.  I am not evolved, I have a completely different motivation for accepting homosexuality.

Opportunity knocks

Just had a chat with a guy on grindr. He basically gave me an open invitation to come over any day of the week for a blow job. He happens to be on my way to work in the morning, which makes this a dream opportunity. I have his phone number. All I have to do is call.

This guy is older than I am, in his forties, and he is also married.  Clearly he has had more experience than I have, or doesn't struggle with the same shyness. He knew exactly what to say to make me feel comfortable. Didn't pressure me, but was very direct. He promised discretion and convenience.

I know, without a doubt, that I will eventually have sex with a man.  Probably sooner rather than later. But how I go about it is still to be determined. Is this guy the right one, the one with whom I should jump into the deep end? What are the warning signs to look for when hooking up with a complete stranger? Am I ready for this?

Catering to your audience

I am absolutely loving all the feedback I have gotten so far.  I had no idea that I would reach such a great group of guys.  And this is only the beginning!

I've also gotten some great advice.  The most popular piece of advice is to remember that this blog is for me, and not anyone else.  I try, but I find that I am already falling into a trap.  More than once, just today, I thought about what I should write next.  What would all of you want to read?  What would keep you interested and attract even more great guys such as yourself.

I don't get to talk about this subject in my personal or professional life.  Ha ha, no one at work would want to hear it.  They'd just look at me like I'm crazy, then probably shun me.  And it's a little too close to home, to be talking about at home.  I can already tell that I will quickly become addicted to your comments.  When I think about what to write, I think about what would elicit more interaction from all of you.

Since I couldn't come up with anything good, while I am sitting here at work trying my hardest to do anything but work, I decided just to write literally what was on my mind.  I know that this will evolve over time, and that I will find my groove.  I will do my best to keep my postings relevant to my own life and not become a whore to blogger fame.

While I am at it, quick question for you experience bloggers and blog readers.  What are the rules with pics?  I've been posting those pics that get a reaction out of me, without much care for where they come from.  Is there an etiquette that I should be following?

Can't get it at home

My wife knows that I have an attraction to men.  It's definitely more than just a curiosity, which is how I've described it in the past.  She's okay with it.  We joke around.  She'll point out hot guys on the street.  We have a lot of the same tastes.  We've watched gay porn together, and taken a small step in fantasy play that included dildos.

She's okay with it, but not completely secure with it.  I think she tries to provide the experiences that I am missing out on.  But it just doesn't work.  She's my woman, and I love sex with her, making love with her, fucking her..  But she's not a man, she doesn't have a dick, or ripped abs, or thick arms.  And a piece of plastic that's shaped like a cock just doesn't satisfy that craving.

We've talked about having a threesome.  Usually comes up in the middle of sex.  She likes to talk dirty, and she'll start talking about having another guy take her from behind while she's riding me.  There's not much that's hotter than that, that get's me harder.  I don't tell her, because I don't have the balls, that if another guy were in bed with us, he would not be taking her.  lol

I want it badly, I need it.  But I don't know if I want my wife there.  I must be stupid.  Because that would be the best of both worlds.  I'd get man on man sex, and wouldn't have to cheat on my wife to do it.  So why would I rather get something on the side? On the DL?

Happy 4th of July!!

 As if I really needed another reason to be patriotic....

Now that I have found my voice....

What the hell do I want to say?  The pressure is on now.  I have readers, I've actually gotten somebody's attention.  I had so much to say before.  Now that I have actually stepped up to the mic, and the spotlight is on, my mind is blank.

When I set out to do this, I was looking for a way of expressing my desires, my needs, myself.  I have always been attracted to men, as well as women, for as long as I can remember.  For most of my life, my only outlet was online porn and gay erotica.  Recently, I started putting myself out there a little more.  First, I responded to ads on craigslist.  I had no intention of actually hooking up, but I did strike up an email conversation with a couple of guys.  Those were fulfilling, for a short time.  I learned quickly that these guys didn't have much patience for endless emails.

Last year, I created a fake Facebook profile.  I was able to reinvent myself and chat up guys across the country, even around the world.  I developed friendships with a couple, and let them see a little bit more of the real me.  Again, that was fulfilling, but only for a short time.  One of these friendships began to resemble a "committed" relationship.  If I wasn't online at the certain time in the day, I knew I would have to explain myself later.  When I got a guilt trip for deciding to spend a night with my wife, instead of my online "friend", I knew I was in too deep.  When Facebook killed my profile, for posting nude photos, I didn't bother to create a new one.  Without Facebook, my friend and I only had email to keep us connected, which quickly waned.  I still chat with him from time to time.  But I am careful to not let it be anything more than a pen pal.

A little while later came Grindr.  I can be anybody I want on any given day.  Since chattin' on Grindr, I've decided that I will hook up with a guy one day,  and in the not too distant future.  Of course, every time I even imagine it, my heart starts pounding and I get sick to my stomach.  But I get excited too, very excited.

Which leads me to blogging.  Deciding to keep going forward felt like a milestone in my life.  I had made up my mind to do something that had the potential to alter my life permanently.  But, there was no one to share it with.  I certainly couldn't tell my wife.  I'd already cut off ties to my Facebook friends.  I needed a place to share, a place to express myself.  So I blogged.  I thought, "Hey, if no one reads it then no harm done".  Writing is therapeutic for me, and I would be left with something that I could reflect on.  Proof of my journey.  But if people do read it, guys like me, then I will be a part of a community and I won't be alone.

Scott said that blogging keeps him out of trouble.  I understand what he meant.  Since starting this, I have thought more about what I wanted to write than I have about which guy I am going to meet up with first.  But there's an unforeseen side effect.  Now that I am thinking about what to write, I've been thinking that I need something to write about.  I'd better hurry and find a dick to suck so that I can tell the world about it!  LOL!

So About Me

I decided maybe a month or two ago to start this blog. As with most things, I got distracted or I procrastinated. I decided about the same time that I downloaded the grindr app on my phone. I knew then that I had shifted gears, that it was actually going to lead to something more than fantasy, and I wanted to document it.

I imagined what my first post would say, how I would write about who I am and what I am all about. I imagined writing about the guys I was chattin' with, and about whether or not I should hook up with any of them. I thought the struggle would go on for a long time as I wrestled with the fear of meeting a random stranger, the shame of a one night stand, the guilt of cheating. I thought I would have endless conversations with my readers, if I got any, about what type of guy I wanted and tips on what I should and should not do.

But, as I've said, I procrastinated. So, instead, my first post was me venting my frustrations over not being able to hookup that night. I really have shifted gears! I fooled around with the idea of fooling around with a guy for years. But I never seriously thought that I would do anything. Yeah, I know, I still haven't.

I have read other's blogs for years. Scott, The King, BLM are just a couple of my favorites out of many. I identify with these guys, I think we have some similarities. They given me a sense of community.

So here I am, baring a small part of my soul for the whole anonymous world to see. I finally got this blog going, and I actually have readers and a follower! Thanks to the infamous rugbysex, Celt, and anonymous for your support. I am truly honored.