Wednesday, May 15, 2013

BLM: Yeah, I crossed the line

This is a repost of something I wrote for BLM, originally posted on January 11th, 2013.  I decided to repost it here, well, because I can.  Enjoy!

Something strange and wonderful happened about a year and a half ago, I decided to grow a pair.  I made a decision that I was not going to live life without experiencing the one thing that I most desperately wanted to experience.  It was around that time that I started blogging.  I was so pumped up with determination, the only thing that brought me down was knowing that I had to keep it a secret form everyone I knew.

You see, while I finally mustered up the courage to correct something fundamentally wrong in my life, it was not a decision I could be publicly proud of.  It was not even something for which many of you, the readers that I love, would commend me.  I had decided to step out on my marriage, to cheat, with another man. I had decided to get me some of that cock I dreamt about.  As messed up as it sounds, I was excited about it.  I would even go so far as to say that I was proud of my new found guts.  So proud that I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, "No longer will I be afraid of putting myself out there! No longer will I be afraid of taking risks to get what I want!"  Never mind how stupid and dangerous the risks, or the trust I will violate in the process.

So, yeah, I crossed a line.  I wrote about it in my blog, Bi Crossing The Line. I am not here to advocate that any other man do the same.  I have no excuses or justifications. I began writing about it, publicly but anonymously, in June of 2011.  I wrote about it because writing clears my mind and provides catharsis.  I wrote about it because, though I felt I finally had the balls to see it through, I needed encouragement.  I didn't realize it then, but now I see that I made a commitment to some imaginary readers in my very first post.  That was the added little push to ensure that I didn't back out at the last moment.

I learned something valuable about myself through this experience.  First, that I am capable of so much more than I even imagined.  Second, that the best way for me to accomplish something is to say it out loud.  Or, in this case, write about is publicly.  It is not enough to make a promise to myself because I learned how to let myself down gently a long time ago.  No, I need external pressure, I need someone else to hold me to my commitment and to call me out on my bullshit.

When this opportunity to write for BLM came along, I couldn't let it pass.  For too long I have told myself that I should write more on my blog.  My recent lack of posts has had a much more profound effect on me than any effect I imagined it having on my readers.  I have a chance at reaching a much larger audience, and I have a commitment to write on a regular basis.  Thank you, BLM.  And thanks to this community of bloggers and readers that I have come to enjoy.

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