Now, please, understand that even in the best of circumstances, I am a fool! During coffee, I felt the need to have "The Talk". This is the talk where I alleviate any guilt for leading this guy on while at the same time ensuring that he knew what he was getting into. We've chatted through text messages and online quite a bit lately. My earlier predictions were coming true, this guy meant more to me than just a hookup. Even without the possibility of sex, I'd want to hang out with him.
Back to "The Talk". This guy deserves happiness in life. And if he was looking to me to provide a relationship, companionship, partnership, he was going to be disappointed. He recently came out of a long term relationship, and from what I could tell, wasn't really out there "playing the field". Because I am such a great catch, super hot, and irresistible, I was worried that M might be falling for me. (If you didn't catch it, that was sarcasm, just want to be sure you get me.) I was being stupid, but I really was worried that he might be developing unhealthy feelings for me. I had to be sure that he knew where I was coming from. Yeah, maybe it was just a bit premature for that conversation. I felt like and old man telling his younger mistress, "You know I'm never going to leave my wife, right?". In fact, I think I said just that. If he thought I was being ridiculous, he was super nice about it. Just said, "I know" and "I'm not looking for a relationship". I really felt like an idiot. I mean, we hadn't even had sex. Well, except for that MIND ALTERING BLOW JOB! But he was nice, reassured me that he knew what he was getting into. Even commented on how he knew I really did love my wife. Later on that evening, he texted me to ask if he had done something to make me believe he wanted more. He hadn't. I was most likely projecting my own feelings on to him.
This guy has been great, and I've been able to tell him so much. Being around him makes me feel young, and foolish. I know how dangerous this is, but I just can't help myself.
this is where it gets tricky.
ReplyDeletei can't offer you any advice. virtually all my sex w/ men was sex as sport without the possibility of relationship. that's the way i wanted it. i was absolutely rigorous in separating my heart from my head(s). I developed friendships w/ some of my boys but never anything more serious than the lighthearted interplay between two fraternity brothers.
i hope that other married men will share their experiences with you. as i said b4, i think the most important thing is to keep talking to one another and be honest. good luck kiddo.
cheers!
You bi guys like to have your fun with us gay guys, and as long as you communicate the expectations up front, it's all good for you. Well, for the gay guys it's not always so easy to separate the feelings of love from the sex. Just so you understand that even when we say "I know" it doesn't mean we won't get hurt just the same. Some of us just can't control how we end up feeling.
ReplyDeleteAnon, 11:11, "as long as you communicate the expectations up front..." what else do you want? I obviously can't speak for others, but Jay is not trying to purposely go around breaking hearts. In fact, quite the opposite. He may even be overly cautious. Of course there will be times when dudes are gonna get hurt, but if they totally know the score going in, the other can't be held resposible for hurting them. It's not the intention to hurt, and the ground rules have been laid out at the beginning, so I'd say, Swim at Your Own Risk. You know what you're getting into, and it's up to you to move forwasrd or not. If you keep putting yourself in situations where you keep getting hurt, then you are just not being smart about it, are you? You are persuing the wrong peeps. If someone gives you the "You know I'm never going to leave my wife" talk, you need to be honest with yourself, and just stop right there, be smart and walk away, and avoid the hurt. It's when you are not hones with yourself that you fall into that trap.
ReplyDeletehottie
If M looks anything like the two guys you chose to post with this, its no wonder you want to hang out with him. Your exercising on the side of caution is good although M may not be expecting anything other than a hot sex hookup. Sounds good to me, enjoy. hal
ReplyDeletewhen you comment on other blogs, your picture looks incredible. Is that really you?
ReplyDeleteI have finished reading your entire blog. I have to say that you got me hard several times. Your meetings have gone very nicely so far, probably nicer than most first timers. I am 20 yrs older than you and I too am going through this mine field. My meetings have gone OK. A couple of guys were good enough to go back a second time and one guy I would go back to every week if he had the time. I think I feel more than he does but he says we will meet next week. We'll see. I am also married and have no intention of ever leaving my wife but I felt like I had to deal with these feelings before I got old and ugly. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteAnon @ 12pm, no it's not me. Let's say that the guy in the photo is my muse. lol
ReplyDeleteKCGUY, thanks for the praise, and I'm glad you liked what you've read. It's nice to meet guys in similar situations.
Anon @ 11:11pm, I agree with you. You can't always control how you feel. That was kinda the point of my post, as I am the one with feelings that I don't know what to do with. And thanks hottie for coming to my defense.
Anytime, Jay. I have the feeling you'd kick some ass for me if I needed, it! lol
ReplyDeletehottie