Friday, September 2, 2011
Now, please, understand that even in the best of circumstances, I am a fool! During coffee, I felt the need to have "The Talk". This is the talk where I alleviate any guilt for leading this guy on while at the same time ensuring that he knew what he was getting into. We've chatted through text messages and online quite a bit lately. My earlier predictions were coming true, this guy meant more to me than just a hookup. Even without the possibility of sex, I'd want to hang out with him.
Back to "The Talk". This guy deserves happiness in life. And if he was looking to me to provide a relationship, companionship, partnership, he was going to be disappointed. He recently came out of a long term relationship, and from what I could tell, wasn't really out there "playing the field". Because I am such a great catch, super hot, and irresistible, I was worried that M might be falling for me. (If you didn't catch it, that was sarcasm, just want to be sure you get me.) I was being stupid, but I really was worried that he might be developing unhealthy feelings for me. I had to be sure that he knew where I was coming from. Yeah, maybe it was just a bit premature for that conversation. I felt like and old man telling his younger mistress, "You know I'm never going to leave my wife, right?". In fact, I think I said just that.
If he thought I was being ridiculous, he was super nice about it. Just said, "I know" and "I'm not looking for a relationship". I really felt like an idiot. I mean, we hadn't even had sex. Well, except for that MIND ALTERING BLOW JOB! But he was nice, reassured me that he knew what he was getting into. Even commented on how he knew I really did love my wife. Later on that evening, he texted me to ask if he had done something to make me believe he wanted more. He hadn't. I was most likely projecting my own feelings on to him.
This guy has been great, and I've been able to tell him so much. Being around him makes me feel young, and foolish. I know how dangerous this is, but I just can't help myself.