Wednesday, September 12, 2012

First Blog Anniversary

I wasn't even paying attention and my first blog anniversary passed me by.  Guess it's what I get for not giving enough to this as of late.  I can't believe that more than a year has passed by since my first post.  I can't believe that a year and two months ago, I had yet to experience sex with a man.  A year ago July, I had yet to "cross the line".  A year ago July, all I could think about was getting a dick into my mouth for the first time, getting my dick into another guy's mouth for the first time.  It occupied almost every moment of every day. It's crazy how things can change, and how much they stay the same.

I'd be lying if I said that I no longer thought about it.  You all know the truth.  The drive to find a guy willing to have sex with me has dwindled abit.  But the amount of time I spending thinking about sex with men? Not so much.  My collection of pics and porn continues to grow.  As things in my life begin to normalize, slightly, I even start thinking about writing again.

I am no where closer to figuring out how all of this fits into my everyday life, or if it ever will.  Ideally, I'd like to not have to sneak around in order to get my fix.  Ideally, I'd fine that one friend (with benefits) that I wouldn't have to hide.  Who knows?  Not me.

In my last post I wrote about how men are slaves to their own biological, or chemical, sexual need.  Coincidentally, I am taking a psychology class that, so far, has confirmed my earlier claims.  I feel that need building in myself again.  Intellectually, I realize that by focusing on satisfying a sexual need gives me a way of procrastinating on every other aspect of my life that needs to be sorted out.  But that's just intellectually, and I don't really care.  I suspect that I will have a new experience to write about in the near future.  And I am curious to find out with whom...

1 comment:

  1. Jay,
    I think you have a lot more figured out than you realize. You sound like you are getting a handle on it. It is hard to express our feelings in simple words, but you are doing it well.
    I am glad to see another post from you, and I also hope that you get more into writing.
    Take care~