Slipping out the back door

Just for little while, I promise I'll be back.

I've said it before, but not enough to do it justice.  I am immensely appreciative of this community that I have found, of this blog, of fellow bloggers and of those of you who have been reading.  And I am even more grateful to those of you who have commented or reached out to me.  I can't imagine ever wanting to leave this community, or why anyone would.  

That being said, I am going to take a short break from actively posting on my blog.  This is not a cry for attention, and there is nothing wrong in my life.  I love my life.  It's just that life, such as it is, has a way of shifting your priorities around.  For the time being, my focus will be on home first, and work second.  

I don't know how long I will be away.  Something in the back of my mind tells me that after a couple of days I will start to get twitchy, just like when I decided to quit cold turkey on Grindr.  (That only lasted for 5 days btw, if anyone was curious.)  But it could be as long as a few weeks.  I don't know.  

I know that I won't be able to resist reading what my favorite bloggers have to say.  I probably won't be able to resist commenting either.  Since this blog is life therapy for me, if anything major happens in my life I will be here to write about it.  I love getting emails/comments/texts, so feel free to send them my way.

I love you guys (and chicks!) who stop by to read my blog.  Thank you!

 I couldn't post something without a picture!

Sex with M

It feels strange to write a post about my last experience with M after writing about my conflicted feelings.  Maybe that's why I haven't yet, or maybe because I couldn't figure out how to do it justice.  What I wrote about my first hookup with a guy spanned 5 posts!  I'd have to do better than that.  Well, we'll see.

Last Friday I discovered I had an abundance of free, alone, time.  I had the day off for work for an appointment, but the appointment was cancelled.  Fortunately for me, M had the day off as well.  I text him to see what was up around 9 in the morning, and by 10:30 I was pulling up to his house.  No nervousness, just excitement.  When he answered the door and invited me in, I immediately kissed him.  And he immediately led me to his bedroom.

I sat down on his bed, and he stood in front of me, and we kissed.  I'm taller, significantly, so it was nice to kiss a guy while tilting my head up instead of down as always the case.  I pulled his tank top up over his head, and he pulled my Ts up over mine.  He pushed my back onto the bed and got on top of me.  We kissed, and alternated kissing and sucking on different parts, our necks, shoulders, nipples, ear lobes.  My legs were still hanging off the bed, with most of his body, so I pushed him up to readjust, scooting back to his pillows.  He laid back down on top of me.

I let him have control, wanted him to have control.  It was his house after all.  He decided when to reach for my belt buckle.  When to undo the button of my shorts.  When to slide his hand under my boxers.  I enjoyed his weight on me, and his tongue in my mouth.  When he'd gotten my shorts and boxers completely off, he started exploring downwards.  He licked my nipples some more, while rubbing his hands across my chest and stomach. The kissed down to my belly button, and further.  My cock was rock hard, and twitching.  He'd brush it with his hand as part of his larger exploration, and each time it would jerk.  When his head made it down there, he'd kiss all around my groin area, allowing my dick to rub against the side of his face.  Then he'd take one of my balls into his mouth, gently, and pull on it.  Then the other.  Then he'd kiss the base of my cock, slowly, working his way to the head.  It was spasm'ing, slapping against his lips and cheek uncontrollably.  And when he, finally, wrapped his lips around the head of my cock and slid down, I cried out.

He sucked on my cock for a few minutes, and I was already approaching an orgasm.  He lived up to the high bar he'd set by giving me the last mind-blowing blowjob.  The only rational thought I had during this time was, "Damn, I have to learn how to do that!".  But I didn't want to cum so quickly.  I didn't want this to be over fast.  I tried to think of other things to get myself under control.  When that didn't work, I pulled him off my cock and up, so that he was lying on top of me again.  I stuck my tongue in his mouth, and I think I could actually taste my cock.  Now that I know what cock tastes like.

I rolled him to the side of me so that we could get his shorts off.  Once we did, he practically pushed my head down to his groin.  I didn't offer any resistance.  He was rocked hard, and leaking.  I licked the tip with my tongue, then swallowed him whole.  I tried to emulate what he had just done to me.  I can't say I was as good, but he cried out too, so I was happy.

We swapped blow jobs for the next 30 minutes or so, taking turns being on our backs with the other between our legs.  In between each, we'd make out while lying on top of one another.  I enjoyed the weight of him, enjoyed how he pressed his cock against mine, how he humped against me.  At one point, he allowed his cock to slide between my ass cheeks while I was still on my back.  It felt good to have the shaft of his cock slide across my hole.

Then he asked me to turned over, saying that he want to slide his cock between my ass cheeks some more.  I trusted him, so I didn't question and I didn't worry.  I rolled onto my stomach and felt his hand begin to explore my back and my ass.  He spread my ass cheeks, and to my surprise, buried his face in them.  I immediately started moaning.  I think I even lifted my ass up a bit to give him better access.  I could feel every swipe of his tongue against my hole, and I would utter "Oh fuck!", or "Yeess!", or "Oh God!", with each one. I can't be sure what he did, but I think he pushed his tongue deep into my hole, and FUCK did that feel good.  I let go of more curse words and more moans.  Then he laid his body on top of mine and let his cock press up against my hole.  He whispered into my ear, "Don't worry, I'm not going to enter you", as he began gyrating his hips.  I could feel his cock slide back and forth between my ass cheeks.  I clenched, as if my ass could actually take hold of his cock.  I knew when the tip slid across my puckered hole, each time pressing against it a little.  Part of me hoped that it would accidentally slip in.  But the rest of me enjoyed the fact that I could enjoy this without worry.

He flipped me back over and starting sucking on my cock again, but this time he had his fingers pressed against my hole.  I was able to stave off orgasm by focusing all my attention on the sensation of him slipping the tip of one of his fingers into me.  I still wasn't ready to cum, not ready for this to end.  When I couldn't last any longer, I pulled him off me again.  We swapped.

I had him on his back, I was between his legs, and his cock filled my mouth.  I bobbed my head up and down as fast as I could, giving me self a break every few moments by jacking his with my hand.  I'd gotten his cock as wet as I could, mixing his juices with my saliva.  He had told me on our first meeting that it takes a lot for him to cum, but I had accepted the challenge.  I was determined.  And I was starting to get the idea, by his breathing and moaning, that he might be almost there.  So I kept my hand wrapped around the base of his cock, and the rest of him in my mouth.  I would twist my fist around, and swirl my tongue, as my head bobbed up and down.  His hands rested on the back of my head, gently, just helping me keep rhythm.  Then his hips would buck up a little.  I knew he was getting there.  It was a good thing to, because I didn't have much left.  Then he yelled out, "Oh, I'm gonna cum.", and any strain I was feeling went away.  I gripped tighter, sucked more, moved faster.  "I'm cumming!".  I braced myself, determined not to pull off, excited, and a little concerned not having much experience with the taste of cum.  He yelled, and my mouth filled up.  But I didn't stop, not until he stopped me.  Even then, I kept my mouth on his cock.  I knew how sensitive guys can get, like I do, so I didn't do anything that would set him off.  I just kept my mouth there, gently licking the tip with my tongue.

When I finally pulled off and sat up, he laughed.  I had a "cum-mustache".  Actually, there was cum all around my mouth and down my chin.  I hadn't swallowed any of it, and I wasn't completely thrilled about the taste.  But, DAMN, that was hot.  I asked for a towel, and he pointed to where one was hanging within reach.  I grabbed it, wiped my face off, wiped him clean, and collapsed beside him.  I was exhausted, and I expected him to enter an orgasm induced coma.   

We lied there, side by side, for a while.  Sometimes we'd say something inconsequential, but most of the time it was silence.  He'd run his hands over me slowly, and I enjoyed his warmth.  For me, usually, after I cum I lose interest in sex.  My guess was that he is the same.  I was still rock hard, but he didn't make a move towards my cock.  I didn't mind though, I had accomplished my goal!  I'd gotten another guy to cum in my mouth.  He admitted that he wanted me to cum first.  Oh well, I told him there's always next time.

Once I got some energy back, I got back up on my knees between his legs.  The perfect position in which to fuck him, but I wasn't about to go there.  Instead, I rubbed my cock against his deflating one.  Then I jacked off.  It didn't take long, since I wasn't trying to hold back any longer.  My orgasm rose in minutes and I exploded all over him.  Getting my cum on his cock, stomach and chest.  Then I collapsed back down onto his side, welcoming my own induced coma.

I managed to write more about the experience than I expected, but it's not 5 posts worth.  I could be mean, and split it up, but I think I will keep this way.  M and I, after resting for a while longer, got dressed and went to lunch together.  On top of everything, I enjoyed the fact that there wasn't that awkward moment afterwards where you have to figure out the fasted way of escape.  We had lunch, at a sit-down restaurant, and had great conversation.  Then our day together ended with a hug in front of his house, and a promise to meet again.

Can I resist?

To test my resolve, I've resisted opening the Grindr app on my smartphone.  So far I've made it THREE WHOLE DAYS!!!  lol.

How long can I go without a bunch of
headless torsos?

I've mentioned before that I think I've become somewhat of a Grindr addict.  Not that every time I start the app, I'm looking for a hookup.  But, obviously, my hookups have been facilitated by the app.  So, let's see how long I can go without.  I can't bring myself to actually uninstall it, that's just asking too much.  But I have been able ignore it, even if just for  a little while.

I'm still reading craigslist posting though, because those are just too damned entertaining!  I haven't hooked up via craigslist, and don't plan on it.  But quite often, daily, I come across a posting that just makes me laugh.

I'm still keeping in contact with M, I'm not willing to give that up yet either.

So, that's my big sacrifice, no more Grindr.  lol  At least for now.  Anyone willing to take bets on how long I can hold out?

Conflicted

I've had all these thoughts running through my head that I've been dying to write about. Then this morning, first chance I get to write, nothing...

Let's see what happens if I power through.

Most of the thoughts have been centered around two, conflicting, themes. The first of which is "I shouldn't be doing this", and the other is "What happening with M?". My thoughts have been so contradictory, that I'm even struggling with how to write about them.

There's been a lot of chatter on my blog lately about safer sex, STDs, poppers, etc. Basically my eyes have been opened to what I thought I knew, but didn't really. I've never been one to be ignorant about the risks of certain actions. I
n High School, I was part of the peer group that took time to educate others, in my school and statewide, about the risks of unprotected sex. I used to be able to cite statistics on certain infections and the risks of certain activities. I know High School was a while ago, but not that long.  So imagine my shock when I start doing a little research on my own. When I realize the risks that I have just taken. Maybe I was denial, not willing to think about the risks, because I was only thinking about the one goal I had.  Because I was only thinking about crossing that line. Or maybe I just forgot.

So what now? Obviously, now that I am armed with this information, I can't have another random hookups like I did with the "are ya gonna let me in" guy. I can't continue to hookup with Don knowing that he's prone to risky behavior. Can I? Now that I have crossed that line, am I capable of going back to the "straight and narrow". (These questions are rhetorical, by the way)

And this is where it gets really fun. Along with all these thoughts, right smack in the middle of them, I'm thinking about M. I'm thinking about the great day I had with M last week, the one I haven't told you about yet. I'm thinking that I have a lot of fun with this guy, and I enjoy hanging out with him. Certainly, the decision to play it safe doesn't mean I'd have to give that up, right? (Again, rhetorical) This thing with M is just getting started. (And don't worry, I will tell you all about that great day!)

So, here I am, conflicted. I have a lot to write about, even though I haven't written a whole lot lately. The holiday weekend and increasing demands at work certainly don't help me write more. I've heard from many that they've enjoyed coming along this ride with me. Hopefully all of you won't mind the bumpy parts, as I try to figure all of this out. (Hey, at least I always add some good pics!)

The Talk

Since our Saturday fun, a couple of weeks ago, M and I had met up a couple of times.  We met for breakfast one day last week, and then again for coffee two nights ago.  These weren't sexual trysts, we were just hanging out as friends.  Although the coffee led to sitting in his car for a while, which led to groping and kissing.

Now, please, understand that even in the best of circumstances, I am a fool!  During coffee, I felt the need to have "The Talk".  This is the talk where I alleviate any guilt for leading this guy on while at the same time ensuring that he knew what he was getting into.  We've chatted through text messages and online quite a bit lately.  My earlier predictions were coming true, this guy meant more to me than just a hookup.  Even without the possibility of sex, I'd want to hang out with him.

Back to "The Talk".  This guy deserves happiness in life.  And if he was looking to me to provide a relationship, companionship, partnership, he was going to be disappointed.  He recently came out of a long term relationship, and from what I could tell, wasn't really out there "playing the field".  Because I am such a great catch, super hot, and irresistible, I was worried that M might be falling for me.  (If you didn't catch it, that was sarcasm, just want to be sure you get me.)  I was being stupid, but I really was worried that he might be developing unhealthy feelings for me.  I had to be sure that he knew where I was coming from.  Yeah, maybe it was just a bit premature for that conversation.  I felt like and old man telling his younger mistress, "You know I'm never going to leave my wife, right?".  In fact, I think I said just that.

If he thought I was being ridiculous, he was super nice about it.  Just said, "I know" and "I'm not looking for a relationship".  I really felt like an idiot.  I mean, we hadn't even had sex.  Well, except for that MIND ALTERING BLOW JOB!  But he was nice, reassured me that he knew what he was getting into.  Even commented on how he knew I really did love my wife.  Later on that evening, he texted me to ask if he had done something to make me believe he wanted more.  He hadn't.  I was most likely projecting my own feelings on to him.

This guy has been great, and I've been able to tell him so much.  Being around him makes me feel young, and foolish.  I know how dangerous this is, but I just can't help myself.