Hints

I went to a customer's home today.  I had to stop by to take care of a couple of issues with some product we sold to him.  I called him ahead of time, to confirm a time.  He told me anytime was fine, he was retired, and he'd be home all day.  On the drive over, which took a little under an hour, I started thinking.  What if this guy is hot?  What if this guy is like me, likes to have some fun now and then.  I knew nothing at all about him, except that he was retired.  So that put him as older, but that wasn't saying much.  In my area of the country, I know a few guys less than 10 years older than me who are retired.  But I had absolutely no idea what he looked like, what he was like, what he was into.  And I was started to get a bit horny at just the possibility of something happening at this guys home.  Typically the customers that I visit in the middle of the day are women, and my mind just doesn't go there.

As I mentioned, the drive takes a little while.  It is a nice warm and sunny day, and I'm driving through this nice neighborhood with the windows down.  I'm letting my mind wander a bit about the possibilities.

I get there, turns out that it is a ways further than I thought up a winding road.  His house is pretty secluded, surrounded by trees and hills.  I'm thinking, "Damn!, what I would't give to live here".  I grab what I needed out of my car and walk up to the front door.  After a brief moment, he answers the door.  He is a much older man, white hair and beard, shorter, and with a big belly.  He could have easily played Santa Claus, not the hot guy in my short lived fantasy.  But you know what?  I was still horny, and I couldn't stop thinking about it the entire time I was there.  He was barefoot, and because I am all about customer service, I took off my shoes as well.  He took me around his house, showing me the issues that he needed help with.  He mentioned his wife, but she obviously was not home.  It wasn't long before I noticed the smell of weed on him, and I knew that he'd lit up less then a few minutes before I got there.

Nothing happened.  But as he took me around his house I kept thinking that with even the slightest hint, I'd
have no problem going down on him.  He was a nice guy, very personable.  He apologized for not being dressed nicer. He was in shorts and a button-up shirt.  I think I said something like on a day like today, I'd be wearing less.  The entire time I was there, I couldn't stop thinking about the possibilities of sucking his cock, or having him suck mine.  Then I started thinking about how I wouldn't be able to recognize the hints even if they were there.  I am so shy awkward, I certainly didn't know how to drop any hints myself.

I took care of the issues I could, made a promise to send others to take care of the rest.  I left with the urge to jump onto Squirt or Grindr or something to see what trouble I could get into before I went back to the office.  In the end, I just got something to eat and continued on my boring day.

What would you have done?  Forget that the guy may or may not have been your type, what would you have done if you were standing in the home of a guy that you wanted sex with?  What signs would you have looked for?  What hints would you have dropped?

BLM: The First Time

This is a repost of something I wrote for BLM, originally posted on February 8th, 2013. 
Enjoy!
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Despite my determination and progress, it wasn't until a couple of weeks after The First Move that I finally got to have my first time with a man.  I had written several posts about my deliberations, my attempts, and my failures.  I remember one or two readers commented something like, "Come on, just do it already!".  And I mirrored their sentiments, I was beyond anxious to finally do what I had set out to do.  But, as you can imagine, I was a bit scared as well.

With all the planning and thought that went into it, I was surprised by how spontaneous my first time actually was.  I had thought about it for years.  I spent more time than I am willing to admit planning and debating over the last few weeks and months.  I had made several attempts, but failed each time to follow through.  Then one morning in July, I received a text asking when was I going to come over, and I realized then and there that the only way to make this happen was to just do it.  Don't worry if everything is planned out right, just do it.

I responded to the text with "When do you want me?".  This was a guy that I had been texting with for a week or so.  I first found him on Grindr.  I knew he was a bit older than me.  I didn't know a whole lot about what he looked like, but I didn't care.  All I cared about was playing with his dick, and him playing with mine.  His response back was "Now!".

Now didn't work.  But I wasn't going to let this sudden burst of courage go, so I suggested lunch time.  At first, I don't think he believed me.  Then he happily agreed.  My heart started pounding, and it didn't stop until later that afternoon.

The whole experience, and the sex, had such an impact on me that it took 4 long blog posts to describe it even somewhat accurately.  I had to write about my fear.  My fear when I was driving over was so great that I had to circle the block several times before finally parking in front of his house.  My fear when I was walking around the side of his house was so great that I was panicked this was all a hoax, or that I was at the wrong house and was about to get arrested for trespassing.  I even, for a moment, thought about those "To Catch a Predator" shows, where a guy gets ambushed as he walks through the door.  I knew I wasn't a predator, but the fear of anything remotely like that happening was almost overwhelming, almost.

When I reached out my hand to grab the handle of sliding glass door in the back of the house, I know longer felt in control of my own actions.  I was in this surreal mode, where I was hovering just outside myself, watching my actions, hearing what was going on, but from a 3rd person perspective.  I opened the door, still couldn't see inside because the blinds were drawn, but heard my name being called out.

I wrote 4 long posts about the experience, my fear going into it.  How that fear melted away once I saw his cock.  How his cock felt in my hand, it was the first time I had touched another man's cock.  How his cock smelled, how it tasted, how it felt sliding across my tongue.  This was almost two years ago, but just thinking about it now has me horned up and rearing to go.  I wrote about my attempts to deep throat him, and how I discovered my own gag reflex.  His cock was thick and long, hot to the touch, and like a steel rod covered in soft silk.  It curved upwards, so I didn't slide down my throat the way I had imagined.  I also learned that I needed a lot of practice giving head, I had no where near the stamina it takes to do it properly.  I kept having to resort to using my hands.

I also wrote about having his mouth envelop my cock.  That was not my first blow job, but it was the first from a man.  Everything I had heard about men doing it better than women was proven in the first few moments.  He expertly brought me to orgasm, let me come in his mouth, and sent electric shocks throughout my body when he didn't pull off right away.  Even today, I am still not at his level in giving blow jobs.  Now that I had passed this threshold, that I had "crossed the line", I knew that I was going to get plenty of practice in the future.

BLM: The First Move

This is a repost of something I wrote for BLM, originally posted on February 1st, 2013. 
Enjoy!
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I remember the day I made The Decision well, it was also the day I decided to start my own blog.  I thought, "Hey, this is really brave of me, what I've decided to do, I need to tell somebody!"  But even though I made The Decision, it was still some time before I actually acted.

I was chatting up a guy, I think on Grindr, with whom I was starting to feel pretty comfortable. He and I texted back and forth real late one night.  I was in bed, with my wife sleeping beside me.  I think he was in bed too, with his man sleeping right beside him.  Maybe his man wasn't asleep, I'm not sure.  Anyways, the texting was a mix of sexting, and serious conversation. During the conversation he mentioned that he and his man liked to have threesomes sometimes. Then, after some flirtatious messages, he told me that he and his man would love to have me over.

Flash forward to a couple of days later, I'm sitting at work, bored, in a cubicle with not much to do.  Things were not going well at work, but that is an entirely different story.  All I need to say is that the company was struggling, and it had absolutely nothing to do with my performance.  It did, however, give me lots of free time with very little supervision.  Anyways, I am sitting in my cube, thinking about dick, because, really, what else is there to think about?  And it hit me, I can have my first man on man experience be a threesome!  How great is that?!?  In a threesome, there would be less pressure on me.  Because, worse case scenario, I could sit back and watch.  And, oh man, how I would just love to sit back and watch two guys get it on with each other!  I already had an offer, the guy told me that he and his man wanted me over.  So, time to use these newly grown balls I had and make something happen.

I texted the guy, "Hey, what do you think about me coming over after work?".

The guy takes his time to respond, but at first his response was positive. "Really?  What do you want to do?"

Uh...  Now that really put me on the spot.  It was one thing to get up the guts, it's a whole new things to actually write out what I want!  I can't remember exactly what I said, but I was able to express that I was looking to get into bed with both of them, without clothes, and I tried my best not to be coy.  (Remember that I am naturally shy.)

"Cool, let me go ask 'soandso'", he answers.

I wait, then I wait a little more.  I wait a half hour, a full hour, all day.  It was actually only a few minutes, but it felt much much longer.  My heart is pounding so loudly that I can't really hear what is going on in the office.

"Soandso says that he is not in the mood." What the....   "He says that he really wants to get fucked."

Apparently, whatever I said, I said it in a way that gave him the impression I was not willing to stick my dick in an ass.  Seriously, I was like....   I don't even know.

This interaction became the subject of my very first blog post.  I simply could not except that I had finally did something more than just think about doing something, only to get shut down.  I tried, in vain, to get something going with two other guys that I was chatting up pretty regularly, but nothing.

In hindsight, all of this was good for me.  I proved to myself that I could take that next step, which gave me the courage to finally take it.  (Admittedly it took longer than some of my readers liked)  I proved to myself that I was not a chicken.  I was fully committed to driving over to their house, and jumping into bed with not one, but two men, one of whom I'd never even chatted with.  But I was glad that it didn't happen.  I think my actual first time experience was exactly what I needed.  And, I have yet to stick my dick in an ass.

Persona

Every morning, I put it on.  I walk outside, and I am gone. And I don’t seem to mind anymore.  I can’t think what it was like before I wore it all the time

In the evening, I take it off.  But there’s another one underneath, and I can’t seem to find the bottom of the stack.  I might just lose my mind and never get it back, but at least I’ll get inside

There’s a feeling that I get sometimes, it’s so small that it’s easy to hide. It’s like a howling voice from a distant past.  It seems I’ve got no choice when it comes to this.  It’s building up inside

-Written by JIMMY VAN HEUSEN, JOHNNY BURKE

-Performed by BLUE MAN GROUP, ft. DAVE MATTHEWS